Don't Take it Personal

Have you ever been rubbed the wrong way by someone? Maybe some crazy hobo just screamed at you and your husband "homosexuals" while riding down the street on your scooter. Or the grocery store clerk is evidently having a bad day, and she is coming off as rude while checking your items out. You're out for a bike ride and a pedestrian purposely does not move out of the way; you almost fall off your bike. Your friend is not responding to your text messages, and you're feeling ignored. I can keep going.

You see, all these things are things that are out of your control. In my previous blog "Your Shitty Attitude is a Choice," I wrote about being aware of the way you show up in your everyday life, especially when we are triggered. You, yourself, are something that is in your control. But when events or people who may rub you the wrong way come at you, that is something out of your control. You can start by not taking it personally.

Easier said than done, right? Naturally, we take things personally, especially if we feel attacked in some way. But if you can manage to take a step back from whatever may be causing you to feel attacked and observe yourself and the other person or event, you might just find that whatever was "attacking" you was actually not even about you. Instead, maybe the other person who took out THEIR anger on you is having a bad day and hasn't yet figured out how to regulate their emotions in that moment. I highlight "their" because it can help us understand that it is their issue and not yours.

Not taking something personally does not mean you let things slide. This creates an opportunity to establish firm boundaries. Pick your battles, though; some things may not even be worth putting any of your energy into. Like with the grocery clerk, maybe you just walk away knowing that you have nothing to do with how they are feeling. And you might even smile and say, "Hope you have a good day!"

But if you are in a situation where your partner, a friend, or colleague is experiencing a challenging moment, and you might have caught some of their heat, you can decide to take a step back and observe what is happening. Remember that how they are feeling and expressing themselves is not yours to take on. So don't take it personally. If it is someone you truly care for, this can create an opportunity for you to stand firm in your boundaries and can allow you to create a safe enough space for that other person to go through whatever it is they need to go through. Take a step back, let them be, do your best to not take on their stuff, and let the waters settle.

There is so much opportunity in challenging situations. And through these situations we can become more understanding of each other. Allowing our relationships with one another to reach deeper layers, setting the foundation for healthier relationships with ourselves and one another.

If you take something personal, check in with yourself and see what is there for you to learn about yourself in that moment. But remember that most of the time someone rubs you the wrong way, it has nothing to do with you.

With love,

Jay